Joy....and shame

Okay, as much as I have fought the idea of it for years...

(hand raised to stop you from interupting me so I can get this out)

as much as I have resisted recognizing it's significance to our society...

(bowing of head as if to ask for forgivness)

and as much as it PAINS me to admit this...

(clenching teeth and looking away in shame)

the fact is Tuesday night television has left me empty and wanting, so I have become...

(pause for dramatic effect)

an American Idol watcher.

(GASP!)

Yes, I know, I know...there's probably an episode of Law and Order on a third tier channel somewhere that I could fall back on and save what is left of my dignity, and yes, According to Jim is a funny show - but it's only a half hour and then where do I turn, and yes, 24 and Grey's Anatomy are on the DVR...and yes, Lane, I know, I do have the option to KILL MY TV...but people...you must understand and forgive me...

It started off innocently like most addictions do, a little curiousity, a little tease...and dang it, if those blasted audition weeks aren't some of the funniest stuff. That's how they suck you in those first few tries - with laughter, one of the best drugs ever. Sure at some point, it becomes a 'competition' and not so funny anymore, but by then it's too late. You're hooked, you're in moral debt...you need to feed the monster that revels in the sick satisfaction that comes with seeing he who has been built up - be torn down. You've started down a path what will only end come later in May.

One must ask themself, is it just coincidence, American Idol Top 12 -- 12 Steps to Recovery?

I have to say, I think what made it okay for me to allow myself to go to this dark place was the discovery that Pop Tarts is the sponsor of the American Idol tour. I can't begin to contain the giggle that rises inside me when I think about that gem of marketing genius. Is that not just the perfect sponsorship ever!

Okay, with ALL that being said, the REAL point to all of this is that I really have to express how INCREDIBLY hilarious and twisted I find it that they make the contestants sing the song that got them kicked off the show IMMEDIATELY after they find out they are sooo outta there. Ryan revisiting with the judges why you suck, why your hair sucks, why your boots suck, why your song sucked, why your singing sucked...aaaaand -- then...one more time...here's a mic, dab those tears, smile's everyone, and sing us out!!!

FABULOUS.

And apparently the torture doesn't end in that moment. I was home Monday with a sick kid and turned on Regis and Kelly to find Lisa Tucker, the latest Idol contestant to get the boot -- again, having to sing the song that got her kicked off the show. OUCH.

Thankfully, I've managed to stay off the hard stuff. I managed to get through an entire season of Dancing with the Stars and Skating with Celebrities unaffected. I guess there's hope for me after all.